In Heaven Tonight LIVE: Christmas Edition

Brief: A Christmas service drama without an obvious sermon.

Performance: Lilydale Seventh-day Adventist Church - December 20, 2014

In Heaven Tonight LIVE is a talk show like David Letterman where a presenter sits behind a desk and has celebrity guests that are light heatedly interviewed.

A desk is on the right side of stage with a guest chair/s or couch at centre of stage.

Jokes, free-flowing, but generally scripted, and fast paced - each guest has some fun but also some thought provoking concepts discussed (making this more than mere entertainment)

Set in Heaven, so there are retrospective questions of what happened on earth, as well as discussion about what they are up to in heaven.

- This is a ‘Christmas’ edition which has characters from the Christmas story of Jesus birth - the final guest being the biggest ‘sermon’ content of the production (written by Pr Rob Steed) This production covers an entire church service.

You could also have posters in the foyer, notes in the bulletin or video promos in the weeks before hand. Have a mug on the table with the logo glued to it.

Opening (2 mins)

House lights dim, live upbeat intro music starts, played by a band, Intro video animation with logo starts spotlight circles the crowd. Voiceover comes on video , saying:

Voice-over: Coming to you direct from studio 777, it’s “In Heaven Tonight Live”. And now, here’s your host, the only man of earth without a belly button, iiiiiit’s AAAADAAMMMMM! ( recorded clapping )

• A floor manager fires up the crowd to clap.

Host walks in, waving, saying ‘thank you...hi.... thanks....good to see you....  thank you... thank you, wow what a crowd....thank you....

Host Monologue: Good evening Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to In Heaven tonight Christmas edition!”

• clap!

yep yep, big show tonight.

Of course we don’t have Christmas here in Heaven, but we’re having a Christmas edition where we’re inviting guest form the Christmas story of our saviour's birth on earth.

Tonight we have one of the shepherds the angels appeared to on the night Jesus was born - Ruben!

• clap!

And we also have the innkeeper who denied Mary and Joseph a room - Basil of Bethlehem!

• clap!

We also have Mary and Joseph, mother and father of Jesus on the show

• clap!

Lets just hope they don’t cross paths with the innkeeper!

And we also have one of the wise men on the show.

• clap!

I know, very exciting show!

[Stand upcomedy monologue could go here ]

Guest 1 -  Shepherd (3 mins)

Anyway, enough chatting, time to bring on our first guest.  He’s one of the only men to have heard angels sing before the second coming,  and one of the few to see our Lord lying in an animal’s food trough, It’s RUBENNNNN!

• clap!

(Band plays intro music baa baa black sheep, Host goes shake hand of Ruben, who walks on, host sits behind the desk, Ruben sits other side of desk, facing audience.)

(Conversational, free flowing)

Host: Welcome Ruben

Ruben: Thank you! Let me just say, Love your show, I'm a BIG fan!

Host: Naww, Thank you, we do our best

Ruben: I wish we had chairs like this while watching the sheep.

Host: Oh right, you wouldn’t have had chairs, would you.

Ruben: No.

Host: What did  you sit on then?

Ruben: Our bottoms!?

Host: Right, of course you did, 

Ruben: Sorry, can I say bottoms on our show?

Host: I think so, it's after 11. 

So the question on everyone's lips, have you been herding the sheep now you’re here in Heaven?

Ruben: I do actually, I catch up with Jacob and Benjamin, and we lead the sheep around while we reminisce about old times. Once a shepherd always a shepherd I think.

Host: oh, nice.

Ruben: but we don’t always herd sheep,

Host: no?

Ruben: sometimes we heard the unicorns just for fun!

Host: oh right, my daughter loves the unicorns, she was delighted to find out hey weren't just a myth.

Ruben: yeah mine too. But the most fun is herding the unicorns up to the t-rex. You should hear them squeal!

Host: The unicorns?

Ruben: no the T-rex. They are such a chicken of an animal. they are terrified of unicorns!

Host: How about that. Hey tell us about that night you had the angels come and sing for you. What was that like?

Ruben: Oh, well, it’s kind of a daily occurrence now, but you have to remember back on earth, this it was very unusual!

It was just an ordinary night, the others were asleep, I was poking at the fire and then,  VOOOMMM! Bright light, singing, saviour of the world, angels covering the sky...it was all happening!

Of course it wasn’t as big as the second coming.

Host: yeah, how awesome was the second coming, people?

• clap!

Ruben: but it was of the same quality, just on a much smaller scale. I tell you what, Ruben and Jacob, who were asleep at the time the angels arrived. They must have jumped 10 cupits in the air.

Host: I bet! Now you’ve put out a new album I understand?

Ruben: Yes! Released a week ago.

(Host holds up CD, shows on screen also)

Ruben: it’s called “Sheep Sleep”, it’s a lullaby disk for putting sheep to sleep .

Host: mmm, sounds interesting. does it work on tRexs too?

Ruben: lol, dunno, haven't tried. possibly.

Host: well, this is a must for anyone with sheep, I’d say.

Before you go, first, you need to sit through the (drum roll) 5 questions of truth (cymbal)

Ruben: righto,

- First question, what’s your favourite footy team

( Jerusalem Rams

- what’s your favourite Ice Cream Flavour

(Chocolate - How good is Icecream!! we never had that! [Host: Oh of course you never had icecream, we did in the garden of Eden,it was on the tree of knowledge of good and evil, soft serve triple chock - very tempting!!)

- Are you a hands in the air or hands down person at the weekly Sabbath worship services?  

( Hands in air, for sure, and a bit of dancing

- what's one thing you'd need on a desert island.

(My staff.  Kills snakes & plays golf.) [Host: Don’t talk to me about snakes!!]

- finally, what’s the strangest thing you’ve bought on heavenBay?

( Solar powered dancing sheep

Host: Well done! we’ll be back after this break, would you thank Ruben ladies and gentlemen.

(band plays baa baa once again.)

• clap

Guest 2 -  Innkeeper (3mins)

Host: Our next guest is infamous for turning the king of the universe away from a bed for the first nights of his life on earth, He’s an innkeeper turned tourist attraction operator, please welcome Basil!

• clap!

(Band plays intro music “oh little town of Bethlehem”, Host shakes hand.)

Host: Welcome to the show,

Basil: Thanks,

Host: So, you’re the guy who wouldn’t give our Lord and saviour a room.

Basil: Oh don’t start! EVERYONE has a go at me on this. I didn’t know Jesus was about to be born. Of course I’d have found a bed for them, somehow.

Host: benefit of hindsight, hey?

Basil: Indeed

Host: But looking back, your stable was a rather poetic setting.

Basil: yeah right. According to the children's picture books, apparently. No it was rather disgusting quite frankly. We’d have it shoveled maybe twice a week, we’d let the guests tie up their transport in there, but we had a bit of a cockroach problem.

Host: cockroaches??

Basil: yeah, You’d think the spiders would have kept them under control.

Host: spiders!!

Basil: yeah,

Host: least you didn’t have rats.

Basil: umm yeah!!?? ALL stables had rats. But they didn't’ worry me.

Host: sounds delightful. And you let our KING of the universe be born in there!

Basil: I know!! I felt terrible for years!! But I turned it into a bit of a fundraiser later on

Host: a fundraiser?

Basil: yes, years later, once Jesus started with his miracles, people started to visit, wanting to see his birth place. I started charging a donation eventually to raise money for the needy.

Host: that was a great idea

Basil: we even had people book in to have THEIR baby born in the stable.

Host: serious!?

Basil: yeah, that was a deluxe package, you had to pay extra for that.

Host: Fascinating, So what have you been up to now we’re in Heaven?

Basil: We’ll I’ve just opened an accommodation chain on the west wall. You should come and stay some time we have wonderful views over the kingdom!

Host: No cockroaches?

Basil: not that I know of.

Host: sounds lovely

Basil: I have one room set aside especially for Jesus when he stops past again, then I can try and make it up to him.

Host: you’re lucky He’s so forgiving!

Basil: I know, he’s wonderful.

Host: we’ll thanks for dropping past, all the best with your new accommodation, what’s it called?

Basil: More than a Manger: Bed and Brunch.

Host: before you go, here’s the (drum roll) 5 questions of truth (cymbal)

Basil: righto,

- First question, what’s your favourite footy team
( Bethlehem Broncos

- what’s your favourite Ice Cream Flavour
( Haven’t tried icecream yet - sounds strange.

- Are you a hands in the air or hands down person at the weekly Sabbath worship services?  
( Depends on the music

- what's one thing you'd need on a desert island.
( A desk bell, they are so handy!

- finally, what’s the strangest thing you’ve bought on heavenBay?

( a golden mousetrap

Host: nicely done. Would you thank our guest, Basil of Bethlehem!

Guest 3 Mary and Joseph (4 mins)

Host: My next guests are amongst the most highly sort after names from Bible times, The the couple who taught the king of the universe to walk and talk, it’s Mary and Joseph!!!!!

• clap!

(Band plays intro music “Mary did you know... or Mary’s boy child”, Host shakes hand.)

Welcome to the show!

Mary: good to be here

Host: we’ve been trying for decades to get you on your show,

Mary: yeah, sorry,

Host: you seem to be quite popular

Mary: yeah, we’ve lost count how many talk shows and corporate functions we’ve appear at now, well, we haven’t actually lost count, just an old figure of speech.

Host: Now of course your story in the Bible, Joseph, you kind of just drop out after the time you lose Jesus in Jerusalem. What is with that?

Jo: yeah, I did die several years later, but we still had several years in carpentry together.

Host: OH tell me, was Jesus a good apprentice?

Jo: yeah, He was very studious, very careful, I was amazed by what he created, he was teaching me towards the end.

Host: between you and me, did he ever swear when he hit his fingers with a mallet?

Jo: no...it was a rare occasion, because he was so careful, but is was just a big OUCH and then moved on.

Host: Now you two, of course, have been reunited now we’re in heaven,

(Joseph and Mary hug etc)

Mary: yes!! It’s sooo good to have Jo back.

Host: it must have been hard for you, Mary, to go through everything you did alone.

Mary: yeah, I mean Jesus was VERY supportive, and i had other close friends but it would have been nice to have Jo around, especially when his time came.

Jo: I don’t know about that, I mean, I wish I could have been there in Jesus final years,  but I actually think I would have been a mess. This lady is so strong.

Host: now Mary, no doubt you've heard about your following on earth, in centuries to come.

Mary: [concerned] I have, I’ve seen some vision of my statues and churches and heard about people praying to me. Part of me thinks that’s hilarious but mostly I feel sorry for how they’ve missed the point that I was just another human, and Jesus was the special one.

Host: We’ll, now you’re together again, Jesus is now on the throne of the universe, life must be pretty good.

Jo: mate, it’s incredible. You're probably similar Adam, having Eve back, sin is gone, Jesus is King.

Host: yes, It’s wonderful to have Sin gone... oh and have Eve back... I suppose . . . don’t worry, she doesn’t watch this show.

We’ll thanks for popping past, I know you have to rush, have you time for my 5 questions of truth?

Mary/Jo: sure!:

- First question, what’s your favourite footy team

M( I Don’t follow the footy

J( Nazareth Lions

- what’s your favourite Ice Cream Flavour

M( banana

J( Hokey Pokey

- Are you a hands in the air or hands down person at the weekly Sabbath worship services?  

M( definitely

J( No

- what's one thing you'd need on a desert island.

M( Jesus, so we can drink more than just rainwater

J( Hammer and saw (Host: maths isn’t your strong point is it)

- finally, what’s the strangest thing you’ve bought on heavenBay?

M( Unicycle

J( bagpipes [host: bagpipes! that is strange, I didn't think bagpipes would be in heaven!!]

Would you please thank Mary and Joseph!!

Guest 4 - Wiseman  ( 7mins?)

Host: Our final guest this evening is often referred to as the third wiseguy, or Mr Myrah, and has probably spent more time riding a camel than anyone in the studio, please welcome  he scholar from the farrrr east, It’s Robert!

• clap!

(Band plays intro music “We three kings”, Host shakes hand.)

Welcome mate

Rob: thanks, good to be here.

Host: find ample parking for your camel out the back?

Rob: no no, I don't’ get around on camels anymore,

Host: oh?

Rob I ride a giraffe now.

Host: Oh I see!

Rob: More room for luggage.

Host: of course.

Rob: though you can’t get into the underground stables though.

Host: I bet! Hey you been busy in heaven, well sort after speaker no doubt, like most other Biblical celebrities.

Rob: yes yes, I’m frequently visiting Christmas pageants and theological conferences.

Host: so what are you a scholar in. what is it you major?

Rob: My speciality is the theological meaning of Gold, Frankincense and myrrh. People want to know why we choose these as gift for Jesus and his family. The answer is both theological and diplomatic. See, these items were somewhat symbolic of our country.

Host: So what country did the three of you come from?

Rob: First, don’t assume there were only three of us. A lot of people have assumed that because of the three gifts that we gave to Mary and Joseph. No, we had our entourage of helpers.

Protection, caterers, astrologists and camel carers. I have never really like working with animals that spit at you. We could never have travelled that far on our own.

We came from East of Bethlehem. People have speculated that we came from Persia, because it’s directly east. Other claim that we were from China and descendants of Seth the third son of Adam, and the guardians of an age-old prophecy that a star of indescribable brightness would someday appear “heralding the birth of God in human form. And then there is the suggestion that our gifts were somewhat unique to the country of Sheba. Sheba has had a connection with Israel for many years. Remember the friendship of king Solomon and the Queen of Sheba.

We have decide we will announce the true story at the 3000 year celebration of Christ’s birth on earth. So you will have to wait until then

Host: So if you aren’t going to tell us where you came from then tell us about the gifts, gold, frankincense and myrrh. What was significant about them?

Rob: The special spiritual symbolism of these gifts is about Jesus himself—gold representing his kingship, frankincense a symbol of his priestly role, and myrrh a prefiguring of his death and embalming.

The Prophet Isaiah had foretold that nations and kings would come and “bring gold and frankincense and would proclaim the praise of the Lord” (Isaiah 60:6).

The frankincense we thought was of great symbolism. Because of its healing properties as a treatment for inflammation. Jesus had come to bring healing to this world inflamed by sin.

It was so exciting to bring these gift and give them to the king of the universe. After giving the gifts we bowed down and worship him. It was amazing.

Host: How did this experience affect you?

Rob: It change our lives. We were never the same!

We were so excited that we thought we should go back to Jerusalem at tell everyone the good news. But that night as we slept we each dreamt that we should stay away from Jerusalem and particularly King Herod. Apparently, he was very threatened by the rumours that a new King was being proclaimed. He would carry out an atrocity by killing all newborns. We got out of their and headed straight home.

We understand that Mary, Joseph and child were also instructed to leave the area. They headed for Egypt. Our gifts helped fund their escape and sustained them in that foreign land.

It was a surreal experience that we who were regarded as pagans by the Jews were the ones announcing the birth of the world’s Messiah.

Host: So what happened to you after this experience?

Rob: Well the legends are many. Some say we were baptised by the apostle Thomas on his way to India. Others claim that our heritage was passed on to the Mongol Genghis Khan and that he was our descendant. Some claim our earthly bodies were kept in Cologne Cathedral France.

Be in heaven for Christ anniversary birth celebration where all will be revealed.

Host: Thanks very much for your time, but before you go, here’s the 5 questions of truth.

- First question, what’s your favourite footy team

( Eastern Allstars

- what’s your favourite Ice Cream Flavour

( Rainbow, the technology to have the colours not mix together is intriguing

- Are you a hands in the air or hands down person at the weekly Sabbath worship services?  

( Hand’s down, absolutely, How do you know if someone has a question if everyone's hands are in the air?

- what's one thing you'd need on a desert island.

( A boat

- finally, what’s the strangest thing you’ve bought on heavenBay?

( moccasins - for my giraffe

Host: We’ll thanks for you visit, would you mind having a prayer for our audience?

[Prayer]

Host: Well that’s all we have time for in this show.

Next week we have an angel special, with special guests such as the lead trumpet player of the second coming, my guardian angel will be making an appearance, that will be interesting, and we also have the one and only Gabrieeeellllllllllll on the show!

Thanks for watching, I’ve been Adam of Eden, say hi to Jesus for me, and goodnight!!  

(final congregational song intro comes straight in here!!)

At end of song song leaders say, “thanks for coming, have a happy Sabbath and happy Christmas”.