[A Mother’s Day skit with a them of hospitality... and a twist!]
[Airplane seating, 4 chairs in a grid with an isle, all facing the side door end of the stage.]
[A hostess stands and waits at the back of the chairs.]
[ a Man walks in the side stage door with a child hurried along in front of him]
HOSTESS: Welcome aboard!
DAD: There you go, I’ll see you later.
[Child flops in a back row chair, audience side. Dad leaves the same door and closes it]
HOSTESS: Well, hello there! I’m so excited to have you aboard. Sit back and relax, and if there’s anything I can get you, just ask. [walks to back of plane]
CHILD: Excuse me.
HOSTESS: Yes, how can I help you?
CHILD: Can I get something to eat?
HOSTESS: Sure, what would you like?
CHILD: What have you got?
HOSTESS: Anything you like.
CHILD: Aaaaanything???
HOSTESS: Anything you like.
CHILD: Oh cool! Well, could I have some coffee ice cream and pickles please?
HOSTESS: I’ll see what I can do.
[on radio] Can we please get some coffee ice cream and pickles down here please?
CHILD: Excuse me.
HOSTESS: Yes, how can I help you?
CHILD: Could I change that to some onions with mustard?
HOSTESS: I’ll see what I can do.
[on radio] Actually, can we change that to mustard onions?
HOSTESS: Won’t be long, someone’s on it for you.
[‘clicking’ sound plays in left speaker, then right speaker]
HOSTESS: Oh, excuse me, if you wouldn’t mind facing the wall and smiling for a moment.
[sound stops]
HOSTESS: Thank you…. Ma’am! All done, Ma’am.
CHILD: Excuse me.
HOSTESS: Just a moment. [ has a quiet little vomit in a back up the back of the plane.]
HOSTESS: Sorry about that. How can I help you, Ma’am?
CHILD: Actually you could turn the temperature up for me.
HOSTESS: Certainly Ma’am, I’ll see what I can do.
[adjusts at the back and returns]
HOSTESS: How’s that?
CHILD: More heat, please.
HOSTESS: Certainly Ma’am, I’ll see what I can do.
[adjusts at the back and returns]
HOSTESS: How’s that now, Ma’am?
CHILD: More heat, please.
HOSTESS: Certainly Ma’am, I’ll set it to maximum.
[adjusts at the back and returns]
[child starts kicking the chair back that’s in front of him.
HOSTESS: Please don’t kick.
[Child Kicks again]
HOSTESS: Please don’t kick.
[Child Stands and starts pushing the chairs over (gently/safely).]
HOSTESS: OK that’s enough….. I think it’s time to disembark
CHILD: Leave? No, I’m happy here.
HOSTESS: No, I really think it’s time to leave
CHILD: Can I say just a little bit longer?
HOSTESS: Ok, but not much longer.
CHILD: Why not?
HOSTESS: Well. Let’s just say they’ll cut the roof open and pull you out if you stay much longer.
CHILD: Ok, Ok, I’m going.
[child get’s up]
HOSTESS: All the best out there! It’s been lovely having you here! [hugs]
[Child starts to walk out backwards.]
HOSTESS: Actually, if you don’t mind, could you please exit facing forwards?
[Child turns and walks up to half opened door, and struggles to fit thought.]
HOSTESS: Here, let me help you. After three. 1, 2, 3, puusshhh! [ hostess pushes child]
HOSTESS: Again, 1, 2, 3, Puuuusssshh!
HOSTESS: Ok one more time. Big push this time. 1 2 3 Puuuuuuuuuuussshhhhhhh!!!!
[exits – newborn baby cry sound fx plays in back room]
HOSTESS: [stands, body facing audience, but head turned towards the door, hugs herself and has a proud emotional smile]
Happy birthday, Daughter!
Feeeeewwwww! [sees chairs] What a mess. This is going to take me months to clean up.
[Looks at audience…. nods] Totally worth it!
Performance: Castle Hill Seventh-day Adventist Church May 11, 2024